Life is tender mixture of joy and sorrow.

Doris Lessing, one of my favorite writers, died. I really want to say something, but I cried and I only wrote a few lines via my Chinese twitter account. I was hoping that she could live to 100, but it seems she is so fed up with the world, and she went away. Maybe she is just tired. For nearly a century, she has been fighting for justice, and for the conscience and wellbeing of the world. I guess somehow she succeeded, though there are people blaming her language, which they think is not so elegant and polished. But do remember, she has limited education. Her university is the university of the world. As a woman, I admire her life and her works so much. She will forever not knowing that she is sort of a mentor to me. I do not have a chance to visit her anymore! Only her grave stone will be there for me to lament on her for some time.

For me, the most impressive scene in her novels is her experience of being a communist party member and living in the illusion of a communist ideal. I can understand her emotions when she and her comrades heard Stalin’s death. Disillusion is not an easy thing to overcome when you realize what you had in faith is only a dream, a really silly and shitty one. I understand when she knelt down in a church because of the overwhelming helplessness. I think she is rather fortunate to have lived such a rich life, I wish I could have a similar one, too. I wish I could go to Africa one day, I wish I could see more, experience more, and be able to transfer the richness of life, the lessons of life into morals, into sarcasm, into criticism, into compassion, into the inquiry of human nature and of human relationships. I think I’ll reread her works again. I kind of missed her works. I’ll start with The Fifth Child and cry again maybe. Or, maybe I’ll read The Sweetest Dream first.

Sometimes I feel I need to stop and rethink what I want to do for my life, that passion to fight for the good of the world, of humanity… I want to write, I need time, and a room of my own.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. zoya
    Sep 24, 2014 @ 13:42:55

    awesome story really very touchy……………..


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